Why settle for a backyard sandwich when you can dine with kangaroos? A guide to hiking for foodies who love views more than mileage.
The Time I Ate a Sandwich on a Rock and Called It “Self-Care”
Let me paint you a picture: Me, sprawled on a sun-warmed boulder in the Grampians, crumbs in my hair, squinting at a horizon so majestic it made my ham-and-cheese taste like Michelin-star cuisine. That’s when I realized—picnics are just hiking’s delicious secret weapon. Forget summit selfies; the real joy lies in cheese plates with side servings of wilderness. Here’s how to turn any trail into a five-star dining experience (ants optional).
Rule #1: If You’re Not Drooling, You’re Doing It Wrong
The Philosophy: A picnic hike isn’t about distance—it’s about deliciousness per kilometer. Your mission: Find routes where the view-to-effort ratio skews heavily toward “I’d pay $20 for this table.”
My Go-To Criteria:
- Under 3 miles round trip: You’re carrying brie, not a backpacking stove.
- Seating included: Look for natural benches (logs, flat rocks, fallen trees).
- No food envy: If other hikers glance at your spread and sigh, you’ve won.
Pro Tip: Use AllTrails’ “Easy” filter + “Scenic Views” tag. Then add “Picnic Potential” in your mind.
The Picnic Hierarchy of Needs (Trail Edition)
Level 1: The Basics
- Seating: A rock devoid of prickles > grass > “Eh, my backpack works.”
- Shade: Tree canopy > hat > frantically rotating with the sun.
- Privacy: At least 50m from trail traffic. Nothing kills vibes like a stranger photo-bombing your charcuterie.
Level 2: The Upgrade
- Tableware: Bamboo cutting board > napkin > “My hand is a plate.”
- Entertainment: Light bird chatter > Spotify’s “Nature Sounds” playlist.
- Instagram Prep: Garnish your hummus with edible flowers stolen from…err, foraged respectfully.
Level 3: The Flex
- Wine: Splurge on a single-serving bottle. Yes, it’s extra. Yes, you’ll feel fancy.
- Cheese Knife: Bonus points if TSA would confiscate it.
- Tablecloth: Bandana > leaves > “This rock is minimalist.”
The Art of Packing: From Sad Salami to Trail Tapas
The “I’m Not a Savage” Spread
- Savory:
- Prosciutto-wrapped melon balls (pre-cut, because you’re civilized)
- Olive tapenade + crackers (pre-scooped = no double-dipping shame)
- Wasabi peas (for when you need to clear sinuses and repel bugs)
- Sweet:
- Chocolate-covered pretzels (carb-loading is science)
- Grapes (nature’s Gushers)
- Hydration:
- Iced tea in a Hydro Flask (keeps drinks cold, doubles as a weapon against swooping magpies)
Confession: I once packed a mini cheesecake. Zero regrets, many jealous hiker stares.
Location, Location, Indigestion
My Top 3 Aussie Picnic Trails:
- Blue Mountains: Prince Henry Cliff Walk
- Distance: 2km loop
- Perks: Cliffside platforms with Jurassic Park vibes
- Menu Pairing: Smoked salmon pinwheels + sparkling lemonade (the bubbles feel celebratory when you don’t fall off)
- Great Ocean Road: Maits Rest Rainforest Walk
- Distance: 1.3km boardwalk
- Perks: Fern-lined “dining rooms” under 300-year-old myrtle beeches
- Menu Pairing: Vegemite-twist pretzels (when in Australia) + chilled chardonnay (hidden in a reusable coffee cup—sshh)
- Kangaroo Island: Hanson Bay Hike
- Distance: 3km return
- Perks: Beachfront ‘tables’ with optional dolphin show
- Menu Pairing: Sushi rolls (because sand improves texture) + local Shiraz
Picnic Disasters (And How to Avoid Them)
Crisis: Uninvited Guests
- Ant Armies: Place food containers in a shallow water moat (tupperware in a pie pan).
- Kookaburras: They WILL steal your sausage. Shield food with one hand, wave arms like a windmill.
Crisis: Weather Woes
- Wind: Wrap sandwiches in beeswax cloths (eco-friendly and clingy).
- Rain: Deploy the emergency poncho-as-tablecloth. Classy? No. Dry brie? Yes.
Crisis: Regret
- Overpacked: “Why did I bring three cheeses?!” → Wrap leftovers in napkins for trailhead strangers. Instant karma points.
- Underpacked: Forage responsibly! Pigface petals add color to salads (and Instagram).
The Lazy Hiker’s Manifesto
Picnic hiking proves that trails aren’t just for Type-A fitness junkies. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is sit still, savor a strawberry, and let the world wow you.
Your Turn: Share your most over-the-top trail picnic below! Bonus points if you brought real silverware or bribed a wallaby with snacks.
P.S. Need picnic fuel ideas? Check out What Should You Eat After Hiking? and How to Have Fun Whilst Hiking. Spoiler: More cheese.